Birth Story: Ethan Kneil Smith

 I have always wanted a newborn baby boy at Christmas. With Cadence and Kory I was very pregnant at Christmas, but I still wanted a new little one to hold on Christmas morning. I was excited to find out we were expecting in December, and even more thrilled to learn it was another boy.

 However, there were a lot of anxieties I had to face in Ethan's labor. First, everyone says your babies come similarly, and Kory came 2 weeks early, so Ethan would probably be early, right? I needed him to come "on time" though or later because I had two toddlers at home and no help (Austin's busy schedule and my Mom didn't come until the 5th). 

 Still, I prepared for an early birth in November I put all my other projects aside and started focusing on the birth. We had a round of sickness that put me into gear (thinking about my baby while lying down sick for a few days made me realize I needed to be more prepared). I ordered my birth kit. I went shopping for snacks and freezer meals. I made freezer meals, packed the birth bag, and packed bags for the boys. I wrote up their routines, emergency numbers, our birth plan, etc. I was SO prepared and SO grateful he didn't come!

 I had a couple of milestones to get through. I didn't want him born on my birthday (end of Nov.). I really wanted a December baby. I really wanted my Mom to be here. And then there was getting through Austin's finals. I was so willing to give up any of these to have my baby born. Yet, the Lord had a more perfect miracle planned, I just had to wait for it (and waiting with a big baby inside is hard work itself). I breathed a sigh of relief when my Mom came. I also told Austin I wasn't holding out for finals to be over. Yet after Mom came I felt like everyone was “watching” me. They were waiting and anxious for me to “get going”. Trust me, I would've if I could!! In the latter part of the 38^th week, through the end, there was some part of most every day that I felt like I could go into labor. Contractions were doing something. They were and weren't regular. But it never really continued in a pattern. I was grateful I paused to do the baby stuff and still had other projects to get back to and get my mind off of. But it got to the point where I was too tired and I couldn't sit and tie a quilt (Austin's Christmas gift) anymore. I was too uncomfortable. I knew (I hoped now) that he was coming.

 Tuesday morning started like most of the others. I woke up at 5:30ish, then 6:30ish, with surges that felt real. Everyone had a great night sleep and all I wanted to do was enjoy the morning sleeping in. I thought to myself “You’re kidding! Today is Austin’s last final. Can’t we wait until tomorrow?” So I’d wake up and go to the bathroom and then head back to bed. I was grateful for the extra sleep I had in between those surges.

 I finally got up with the kids. It was a little difficult going on with the regular routine, but I kept telling myself it was probably like all the other days, so I didn't say much. I fed the kids breakfast, but I didn't feel up to eating myself. I think I had a muffin or two. Austin woke up and I asked him to shower with me. I knew the water would help me feel better and he could help me through the waves. We showered and I felt great after! Then about 10 minutes after the shower the waves came back with a real intensity. I felt myself not being able to focus, especially with the sound of children in the background (though I was surprisingly loving and patient with them that morning compared with how I was feeling). I knew I needed help. I knew I needed more focus. I also knew that Ethan was not in a favorable position. He hadn’t been at the week prior at my appointment and I’d been trying everything to turn him, to no avail. I felt the strong waves, but the pressure was in the wrong place. I knew I need help with this especially. I was on the birth ball and leaning over the recliner while Austin had jumped into work, trying to get the required things done for the day. I told Austin that we should try and time the surges because they’d be asking us what they were like. I hate timing them. I had a hard time even communicating when one would start and he was pretty zoned into work. He tried to move a meeting up to “as soon as possible” instead of 3 p.m. (only 30 minutes later, we were already headed in to the birth center). I went back to the bathroom and between surges I told Austin we needed to go in. I had to direct traffic (call the doula, call the midwife, the number is here). At one point I heard Austin on the phone with our home teacher trying to arrange babysitting. I felt annoyed – “Call Cristina!!” (my sister). He did and as soon as she got to our house, we were on the way (I think it was about 9, or 9:30 a.m.).

 When we got to the birth center, they had the tub mostly ready. I went to the bathroom, then rested next to the bed waiting (while sitting on the birth ball), until they told me it was ready and I could get in. I did, but the water wasn’t quite high enough and I felt cold above my belly. Being two very different temperatures was very uncomfortable. Marie showed up while I was in the tub. I was so glad she was there! After trying a few different positions and clothing options (while waiting for the hot water so they could fill it higher), Marie asked Darby if they had a t-shirt or something. Thankfully Darby had a bathing suit top (I kept thinking my whole pregnancy I needed to get one and didn’t…). It made the tub even more comfortable.I soaked a couple of pillows using them while leaning over the tub... 

  I told Marie about the baby’s position and that I felt I needed help turning him. She asked if I wanted to have a chiropractor come in. I have to remember to ask her about that before the next birth, because I’m interested. At the time though, it seemed so new that it was hard for me be process in labor. Then she got a long sheet from one of the midwives and started doing the rebozo technique with Austin helping. Each of them had one side of the sheet and they had draped it under my belly. They were pulling up slightly and rocking my belly. It was so hard to not let my whole entire body float in the water with the sheet! I tried to keep still on my hands and knees and just relax my belly. It was pretty uncomfortable, but I felt like it was working, so we did it for awhile (until I felt it was time to change positions)

 For the next few hours I tried lots of different things, and so did my birth support team. Marie used lots of essential oils (including Clary-Sage to get things moving). I was on the toilet, the birth ball, the tub, etc. I listened to hypnobabies the whole time. I loved the reassuring words of “birthing day affirmations”. But the surges continued similarly to the last couple weeks (though they were more regular and stronger). I’d have them regularly and strong for awhile and then they’d stop. It was so frustrating. I kept wondering if I’d really have my baby today. I felt bad I came in so early. Was I just wasting everyone’s time? (Marie said I was silly because I was the one laboring and I was so concerned about everyone else). I had convinced myself that because the early labor was so long I deserved a shorter labor. I wish I hadn’t of thought that now. It didn’t end up being much longer than Kory’s labor, but with the inconsistency of progress, it felt long. Additionally, I doubted myself. Was labor going slow because I wasn’t doing something right? Was I really listening to my body. What else could I do to help this child be born? I prayed so much through this labor. It was a real conversation with God. At one point, just past frustration when I was starting to calm down again Austin shared a thought with me that really helped – Luke 21:19 “In your patience possess ye your souls.” I just need to diligently keep laboring and be patient.

 It wasn’t all frustration. I remember joking and smiling between contractions. There was part of be that was emerging, just grateful to be DONE with pregnancy and early labor. I was happy to have intense contractions. I wanted them to come because I knew it was bringing my baby closer to me.

 I remember asking what time it was – about 1 o’clock. I asked Austin if he’d eaten anything and he said Mom was manning the food front – they had ordered pizza. I could tell he was getting a little run down. Marie suggested that we go walk the stairs. I was happy to go! I probably did it with too much vigor trying to get things going. When we go to the top she suggested I just step up and down between stairs, so we didn’t have to go up and down. I liked the idea and was stepping between stairs 2-3 or apart. It helped some, but not as much as it should have. I regretted this stepping later because my hip hurt for 4 days after birth. I knew it was from stair stepping. I was just trying to push on the contractions. Then, hunger hit me. I felt so hungry! I went downstairs and had a piece and half of pizza (I had only had muffins for breakfast). I suggested I would like to do my deepening and Marie said it’d be a good idea. I got on the bed and did my deepening track. I didn’t know who was in the room at the time because everyone was silent while I just laid there for awhile. They told me later they thought I was sleeping, but I was just really deep in hypnosis. I felt like I had really changed tracks. Instead of encouraging them to come on I was allowing my body to have a break. It felt really good – especially the emotional regrouping that this track gave me. I stayed there as long as it felt comfortable. It felt really good to go “inside myself” and take a break. I started to remember how it felt to have the massage the day before. Austin sent me to get one the day before and I listened to “Visualize Your Birth” during the massage. I felt like I wasn’t pregnant! The visuals I created the day before and the relaxation I felt during the massage gave me more strength to get through my birth.

 I was there longer than the deepening track (longer than thirty minutes) but I'm not sure how long I was actually there. When I finally got up, I headed back to the bathroom, a place I spent a lot of time. My contractions started to get more intense again. It felt so good to have Austin push against my knees, or to lean on Marie while I labored on the toliet. I got up for part of the time and did squats, leaning on Austin or on the sink. 

 Then, Darby asked if they could check me to see where I was in labor. They hadn't checked me yet so I was okay with it, I just didn't want to know how far along I was. Marie also suggested that being checked might help get things going a little bit. Darby checked me (5 cm - which I'm glad I didn't know because it would have depressed me) and then she asked if I wanted a pernineal massage. Hoping it'd help move things along more, I told her to go ahead. Next, I headed back to the birth tub. But, like many of the contractions before, everything seemed to slow down when I was in the tub. After only a short time, I got out, hoping to get things moving again. I went back to the toliet. Marie suggested that I have them break my water. She had mentioned it a time or two in the before, but I was not quite ready to do it. I knew once my water broke things would get even more intense. I had to mentally prepare myself for the change. 

 This time when she suggested it, I felt really good about it. I got back up on the bed and Darby checked me - only about 1 cm progress since the last time that she had checked me, two hours ago (now it's about 7:30 p.m.). I remember sometime during the early evening Austin said "If we keep going, we'll make it to 12/12/12." All I could think was "I could care less about 12/12/12 now. I really hope I don't have to do this that much longer." Heather came in to make sure everything seemed well enough to go for breaking my water (baby was at a +1 station so they weren't worried about cord coming out in front). It was really uncomfortable, but Marie did a great job reminding me to direct my anesthesia and go deeper and deeper. I remember Darby commenting that my bag of waters was really strong. Usually in birth, my water breaks right before the end. I wasn't really surprised it was so strong. Just after she broke it I felt such a relief of pressure. It felt so good. Everyone was commenting on how much water I had (which also seems pretty typical for me). The midwives were also commenting how big the baby must be (and especially long). 

 After they broke my water, knowing it'd get more intense, I moved back to the tub. I just went really deep inside myself. Austin and Marie took turns pouring water on my back, which felt so good. I remember noticing that they'd seemed to give their arms a little break right when the contractions were the strongest! But I tried to ignore the frustration because I needed the focus. I didn't have energy to tell them about such a little thing. 

 During my time in the tub, contractions got steadily more intense. I remember Marie leaving at one point and  struggling to say her name to have her come back. I couldn't have her away anymore. I knew we were getting close. I was leaning over the tub, facing out, on my knees. At one point I just let my legs float behind me, but it was only comfortable for a wave or two and then I was back on my knees. 

 I started to feel a little pushy. Marie reminded me to just go with it. She asked me if I wanted to change positions and even though I did, I couldn't envision myself moving. The waves were too close together and too strong. Everyone started to quietly get in position. It was about 8 o'clock and the room was dark and really warm. It felt so comfortable. I remember wondering when everyone was going to come in - that's how quiet and peaceful they went about getting ready. Even though I wondered if they were there, I stayed mostly inside myself and tried to focus. I started moaning more and more with each pressure wave. Marie started coaching even more. I knew Austin was behind me ready to receive Ethan as he was born. I knew we were ready. Heather came up and gave me a few things to remember if I wanted to birth in this position (which I didn't particularly but I felt like I couldn't move). She said 1. Don't sit on the baby when he comes out. 2. We're going to help you so he stays in the water and isn't born half in and half out of the water. 3. They'd push him back under my legs after being born so I could turn around and hold him  (since his cord would still be attached to me). I listened carefully to each suggestion, knowing that everyone around me was trying to help me bring this baby into the world. 

 Marie started coaching me even more with my pushing. I was pushing so hard, thinking between each wave "okay, next time, the wave will bring me my baby", but it wasn't happening. Marie told me to take the moaning sound and put all the feeling into my bottom. I did. I pushed and pushed. Austin encouraged, Marie coached and still he wasn't coming. Heather came into action. She told everyone to turn me over. I think I had about five people moving me. If I had known so many people would pick me up and move me, I might've decided to change positions when Marie first asked me! They flipped me over into a squat, facing the inside of the tub. Then, not more than one pressure wave later, Heather told everyone to pick me up out of the water. She was standing in the tub with me. I was lying in the air - at least I think. They tried to give me oxygen (Austin said I was breathing really funny at that point). I'm not sure the actual position except I knew I was in the air, supported by about five people, while Heather assessed. I heard her say, "Oh there's a hand", "Come on baby", and the whole time I was pushing as hard as I possibly could (with everyone encouraging me and coaching at this point). Within one more wave he was born. Heather told me later that his hand actually helped dislodge his shoulders from being stuck. Everyone helped me turn around and sit with my back against the tub, then someone handed me my baby (I assume it was Heather) and they put hot towels on top of us. All I could say was "that was so hard" and "I'm so glad that's over". Then I commented it wasn't over yet and Darby said "yeah, but this next part doesn't have bones". Everything became so much lighter again while I held my baby. I wanted Austin there with me, but he didn't want to sit in the tub (it was blood tinged), He stood behind the tub as well. I was shaky (probably from pushing for the life of me) and so was Austin (from holding me up). 

 The birth of the placenta was easy. Darby said to give one small push and I didn't even feel like I was pushing - just like I was going to the bathroom. It was so EASY after pushing Ethan out. She showed us the placenta and explained everything about it. I had heard some before but I was always kind of squeamish to see a real one. With my other births, I just wasn't given the opportunity. It was so cool to see! I was rubbing in the vernix on Ethan as she talked to me. I couldn't believe how much there was (but then again, I was given my other two children after they were wiped off first). I also remembering noticing in the days after his birth (when he still hadn't had a bath) how much healthier his skin looked, not dry and cracking. 

 Once the placenta was born, the cord was clamped and then Austin cut it. The water was much more bloody at this point and I was ready to get up in the bed (but feeling really cold and shaky). I got up in the bed and they covered me with lots of blankets. I gave Austin a chance to hold Ethan while I transitioned and drank some juice. He held and loved our baby for awhile. I remember being surprised Ethan wasn't rooting. I was feeling anxious to nurse him, but he was letting his Daddy enjoy him and I was trying to feel patient. In the meantime, I was talking to everyone - Heather, Darby, Marie, Mom, about their thoughts and experiences with the birth. I love hearing how everyone else viewed things. 

 Finally, I was feeling revived and Ethan was ready to nurse. He did a great job! He wouldn't even suck if the position wasn't quite right. We commented on how different he looked from our other children - he was unique. Just like his name - Ethan (strong, firm), Kneil (unique), Smith.

 The midwives had cleaned most everything up, so after nursing him they did his newborn exam. I remember being so proud when I heard how big he was! 8 lbs 4 oz and 22 inches long AND a hand in the way. If small little me can birth a baby like that (with the help of an amazing birth team), then more women can have "big" babies with success. I was grateful to be added to the "successful" list. Even more, I was grateful for an amazing birth team. Everyone played their part so perfectly. They knew their role and they did it! They worked cooperatively. Everyone was so helpful to me and concerned about my needs. I felt loved and I felt my baby was loved. 

 After the newborn exam people started to head out. I remember feeling ready to go. Darby helped me get cleaned up and Mom helped pack everything up. Austin wanted to pay for the birth. Darby ran our credit card and he headed back in, thrilled that he didn't have to deal with hospital billing and almost euphoric that we were already going home and the birth was paid in full. I asked about him the Vitamin K shot and she had forgot to add it the charge. Austin HAD to pay for it then, so she ran the card again, and we went home, officially paid in full. 

 It was a beautiful birth. I was so grateful for how everything played out. It was another testimony to me that when you listen to your intuition, when you follow the Spirit, after having done all you can to study out the options, you can have a beautiful birth and be confident you made the right choices. I felt this birth was so similar to Cadence's birth, yet the outcome felt so different. I was grateful for the chance to 'redo' Cade's birth. I was also grateful Ethan wasn't my first hypnobabies birth. I needed Kory's peaceful, easy birth (at least compared with Ethan) to help prepare me for Ethan's more intense birth. I felt I learned another element of patience. I felt the I learned the value of pondering, of stopping in the midst of everything to regroup, ponder, and come to yourself. I felt the importance of having good support, of knowing your role and focusing to do it the best you can. More than anything, I felt again the love of the Lord, His closeness, and His tender mercies for me. I could not have planned it to happen more perfectly. It only happened so beautifully because I submitted to His will and plan. His grace is sufficient.